my self...thus far

I came into college as a Political Science major, with the dreams of becoming the most magnificent prosecuting attorney in California.  I do not even really know why I wanted to be an attorney; I guess I thought that was the job that made the most people go "wow." The first Poli Sci class I took caused me to nearly give up on college altogether.  I cried until there were no tears left...called my mom, and then cried some more. I didn't give up though, and it was the greatest decision I ever made. I declared Sociology as my major Sophomore year, but because of the massive budget cuts that followed, I could not get into any courses.  In order to maintain a full schedule, I started taking Black Studies courses.  I took Black Studies 1 and 4 with Professor Banks, and I noticed so many around me struggling and complaining about the work load.  I did not understand what anyone was complaining about; Black Studies 1 opened a door to a part of me I never knew I had.  I was doing well, and I loved it.

I was always a compassion kid growing up, but I wouldn't say I was an "activist," or concerned with any kind of social issues that didn't revolve around myself.  Black Studies 1 was basic, an introduction to the literature, concepts, and history I never knew existed.  The Black History I was taught in elementary and high school during the month of February was minimal, at best.  I learned of non-violent protests and marches, and the all glorious 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments that ended racial inequalities in the United States FOREVER.  I learned that Honest Abe freed the slaves and all men are created equal! To be honest, I always thought Rosa Parks was just tired that day on the bus.  No one ever taught me anything different; the struggles so many African Americans have fought and overcome were never mentioned.  I knew Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, I just didn't know what it was.

There is one quote I can still hear if I close my eyes and think back.  Professor Banks stood in front of the class and was talking about racism, and being actively and passively racist.  She said, "ignoring racist comments is just as bad as saying them...you are contributing to inequality just as much as the person saying the joke. You must ACTIVELY RESIST RACISM AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY."  I honestly knew at that moment, that was my mission in life.  I have been actively battling inequality ever since.  My dreams shifted from wanting to be an attorney, to wanting to be a Professor. I want to be Professor Banks and Professor Johnson to someone; I want to inspire people to do good, to challenge racism and inequities, and to give knowledge to those who desire it.

It seems almost cliche that the class that changed my life was Introduction to Black Studies.  I have taken over 50 units of Black Studies classes, focusing on everything from the prison system to the black body to the black experience in southern California.  I have even swayed my head and tapped my feet with the great Earl Stewart.  And yes, all of the upper division classes I have taken have been amazing; I have read the most inspiring, articulate and amazing literature.  But the upper division classes merely kept pushing me toward my goal.  My flame was already ignited.  Black Studies 1 changed my life.  It made me understand that the world is so much bigger than me, and everyone deserves to know the things I know now.  Some people often look at me funny when I tell them I am a Black Studies major.  They ask me, "why?"  To some it may seem strange; I do not identify as Black, so why would I want to learn about it?  To be honest, I have never felt more comfortable than I do in this department.  I was accepted by open arms and I know this is where I belong.

I see the books my roommates read being a Bio major or a Psych major, and I feel sorry for them.  I feel sorry that they do not read works of the amazing scholars and activists I do.  I feel sorry that all they are going to get out of college is a degree, while I am getting the history of a people. The history of struggle and beauty that is so often trying to be silenced.  My library keeps growing, and I find myself looking back on old notes, just to freshen my mind.  Each piece of knowledge I learn, the more I feel that I do not yet know.

I can't wait to graduate and continue on to get my PhD, so I can teach this information to a new generation.  With all of the things going on in this world, the horrors, wars, inequalities, and tragedies, I often feel helpless.  It is then that I think about what others have gone through and sacrificed for all of us today.  Black Studies gives me hope.  I believe that if everyone can take a few classes in Black Studies, every person will become more compassionate.  If it wasn't for this major, this department, and the wonderful peers and professors I have met here, I do not know where I would be.  My heart fills with passion and fervency every lecture I attend, and that is the one way I know I am getting my parents' moneys worth. I am receiving so much more than a degree, and I am so thankful.

Black Studies has made me realize that my life is but one, and it is up to me to continue to tell the stories, struggles, and triumphs of those before me.

Every day I live by the words of Frederick Douglas, and I feel that they so accurately resonate with the meaning of Black Studies as a field of study.  

The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress.

(in fact, it is my next tattoo)